i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
