and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
