I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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