Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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