all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
vagina is talking i cant
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
