Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
