Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
