I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
