I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
