I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
