i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
