Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
