there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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