is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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