I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
