I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
