I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
