i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
