this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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