I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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