i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
