Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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