This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
