I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
