ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
