we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize