You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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