In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
