YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
