Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize