in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
