I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
