THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
