Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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