Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
