The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
