You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize