I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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