i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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