On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
