you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
