yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
