omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need a beard to bite.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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