You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
