Ambien. No doubt about it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
