Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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