I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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