Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
