it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
