I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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