you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
