Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
