respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
