your thong is hanging out like whoa
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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