you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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