I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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