Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
