He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There r osticjed everywhere
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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