I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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