I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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