is your mom at the bar?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
