you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
