I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
