Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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