sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
