Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
