mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
