Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
