dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
