Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
