So drunk its hurt
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Im part way to drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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