we're chasing vodka with high fives
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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