why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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