There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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