Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
