my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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