brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
