Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
