They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
