You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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