My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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